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Another text on the Cultural Gap reported that an American man was ditched by a Chinese girl who send her friend to see him to end their romance.  He had no inkling that there was any prior unrest.   The girl and her friend implied this was the custom, that they were actually helping out the dumped lover, by Saving Face.   This sort of Saving Face to us implies dishonesty of not letting the man know there was any unhappiness, to give him a chance to save and repair the relationship, or the kindness of tapering things down, which would have Saved Face more by our standards, than letting her friend know the man was to be ditched before he did!   I try to understand this story myself.   The girl is saved the anger of the man by utilizing a friend as a go-between, she does not have to deal with his wrath, or morally justify her interest in a new man perhaps.   She has hidden her building irritations with the man until they accumulate to a point where she cannot deal with him any more.   Quite possibly to show him her sadness might be rudeness from her point of view.   Also, the girl and her friend might be hiding their own personal behaviour under the Banner Heading of Cultural Gap.   I tried to find out more about this psychology from my own students.   Chinese girls, they exclaimed, mysteriously.    Possibly the male will have more power when he is older, so that the female is allowed more power when she is younger.

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