You wonder who are the people who read you, because
I wonder how many people will stay with you when you crack up and start going to a Gung Ho Christian Church.
Well if anyone else wanted to be my friend?
Can it be that bad in HK?
Just think about Rob Kissel, Alone and Lonely in
HK, with 18 million bucks USA, 3 kids, a top job!
At least it was a beautiful and historical church, St. Andrew's
Anglican Church on Nathan Road.
Since I can't go boozing around Wan Chai, and have not started
off too gloriously on Chamma Tau, and Asian girls do not want to marry me for my Western passport, there is a limit to my
scope here, not being in the maids and cocktails set either.
My good friend Leslie took me, who works all day with the hair
of rich HK women, and has 2 kids, and is quite busy.
She hugs me when she sees me and when she leaves, and tells
me she is always here for me.
My eyes began watering thinking of Joe going home to Canada,
and being on the edge of mental breakdown all evening at the church drew Religious Conversion Energy to me.
I could see the humour of it all, and was glad I had chosen
the High Church of England to collapse in, still having remnants of High Ambition within myself.
The church was fabulous, right on Nathan yet with a feeling
of spaciousness and peace around it.
There was an unexpected rectangular movie screen at the front,
telling you the too modern words to the too modern songs. There were lots of young people, and you have to hand it to
the church for zipping up its style.
There were tons of activities, and unlike everything else here,
it was Classic Church, free free free, and cheap cheap cheap.
Three of the activities involved climbing rockfaces and steep
hills, which did not thrill me.
I will try out for choir, get involved with Christmas.
I led Leslie lead me to the front which was quite unlike me,
so exhibitionistic, and with watery eyes, confided to the prayer assistants, that Peace was what I wanted most in this world.
The experienced Christian helpers seemed to know immediately
that I wanted Peace for mysellf, right now, not something abstract and universal, as it must been the shaky tone of my voice
and tears welling up in my eyes that clued them in.
Afterwards we counted the Christians who came by to talk to
us personally, as the lecturers reminded the congregration that at least three pople should befriend newcomers.
We counted three, laughing, and I told Leslie I had seen this
church in a vision and I was at the front of the church, though it gets worse than that: I saw water being sprinkled on my
head.
Better take it slowly, I said.
Leslie and I warmed to one another immensely, as we spoke very
truthfully about all our problems as women and workers in this stressful city.
We walked along Nathan Road, and I told her every time I feel
down in life, there was a friend - so I must have been a good friend in my other lives.
I also told here how I wondered if I was good at any other
major relationships, such as family, marriage, or work.
She told me of her own life too, which will remain private.
She has an amah to help her with her teenage children, and rents 6 apartments she co-owns, and spends little on herself.
She dresses prettily and plainly, in white cotton shirts, and
blue jeans, with quite a polished look to her tied back hair and glowing cheeks. She is a professional beautician.
I sometimes started crying, which I know is a big goof in Chinese
society, though in Hong Kong and Taiwan no one even notices if you burst into tears!
Leslie showed a deep understanding of spirituality and psychology,
and told me she thought I was a strong person not to care about that, and to cry so freely over my terrible impending loss.
It is the chains of karma that haunt me keenly, as it is never
sex or rage or jealousy that terminate my relationships, always something to do with money, or when I was younger, occasionally
a faux desire for freedom thinking the love of a woman friend or a male lover implied a burden that I had to shake
off erratically, suddenly, cruelly.
Enough heart ache for today.
Have also moved to a dump at the Mirador Mansion, cheerful
though in a weird way, and the question remains, when I will it back to a tropical beach, the exotic ESL life that seduced
me in the ESL courses I took in Montreal, 5 long years ago.
PS. Thanks to Hemlock, Kate, and others who wrote me and I
will put up cross links soon.
