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Saturday March 23 2002
The runaway servant.
This story is a telling tale of the Cultural Gap.
Lily called early, "The servant has run away! I am home all the time. No need to come today."
Lily temporarily cancels my English lessons for her four year-old girl, as the problem of the runaway servant confines
the young mother to her household, until she finds a replacement. I cannot teach there after a promising start, the mother
cannot go to her job, and the father loses the income of the mother in their conjoined household budget.
Lily as a young woman solicited my advice indirectly when we encountered a block during the few ESL lessons I gave to
her child.
Lily insisted on being with me as I taught, and I accepted this.
The servant, much older and somewhat long-faced and haggard, carried the child into the living room, settling her down
in the middle of the Persian carpet with alphabet blocks. We began The Alphabet Song, articulating letters sharply, as the
mother cast anxious glances my way. The child began crying for the servant to hold her and to comfort her, not her own mother.
Recognizing we definitely had a big problem here, I kept smiling professionally, thinking about what to do! Children come
slowly to an adult, and they have to come on their accord, not have the teacher shoved into their faces, while parents and
educators consider the clock is ticking, and more money is being spent on the lessons.
Like n ESL clown, I quickly ferreted out all the favorite toys and books and games, and permitted the servant to sit in
the room, though not to hold the child with a body language that seemed to exclude her own mother! I must have developed
some skills as a teacher, for my techniques improved the situation that seemed hopeless at the commencement of the lesson.
The mom and I talked at great length after the lesson.
"She always goes to the servant."
"But you're the mother." I said, trying to encourage her.
"I am out all day, at work.'
"You are the boss."
"I have to go to work right after I have my baby. The servant came here so soon. She is always here with our child."
"Maybe do more things with your child."
"I try! The servant takes charge!"
Never in the West could this happen. The little girl clings to the older woman like a life raft. The servant is twice
the age of the young wife, and her authority over the young is highly respected, even though she is a rural peasant. And
the servant is more intelligent, suspicious, and inclined to power than I see.
For the servant seeing me and her employer talking about her at length throws a monkey wrench into the works. She suddenly
ups and leaves, returns to rural Anhui Province. What has she heard about North America? That the older women have no authority?
That I attack her place in the household?
The child, the focal point of our discussions, becomes happily closer to her primary mother.
The dominating servant will recede into distant memory, except for the indelible piece of heart she once shared with her
small charge.
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